A Personal Testimony of Jesus Christ

Author unknown


A Personal Testimony of Jesus Christ
and the Reality and Power of His Atonement in My Life


It was during this time that I was called to come home to Christ. Shortly after my friend departed I found myself in my office alone and without work. The Spirit called me one day as I sat behind my desk and prompted me to pray. I instructed my secretary that I did not want to be interrupted under any circumstances and then locked myself in my office and began to pour out my heart unto God.

I prayed that day and for two succeeding days. I prayed long and hard and for many things. But the primary intent and focus of my prayers was to know the Lord and to understand and appreciate the personal implications of the Atonement in my life.

On the third day, July 21, 1981, I found myself kneeling again by my chair in fervent prayer to know the Lord. Suddenly I saw myself praying and the presence of the Lord was beside me. As I watched, the Lord spoke to my mind and said, "Look." I looked and for the first time in my life I saw myself as I really was, through the eyes of Christ.
What I saw I cannot fully describe in words. My whole soul was illuminated and I saw with complete clarity and understanding the deepest recesses of my subconscious mind.

I saw within the hidden nooks and crannies of my soul the effects of all my sins as well as all my sins of commission and omission which had been repressed into the hidden regions of my mind. I was completely transparent. Everything was now so painfully clear, my sinful motives, intentions and desires, all cleverly disguised and rationalized through years of self-talk. Even the good things I had done for the wrong reasons were flashed before my all-seeing eye. No act, word or deed escaped my view. I saw everything.

As I beheld myself thus, my mind was, to use Alma's words, "racked with torment" and "inexpressible horror." Several times I tried to shut out the vision but the Lord would not allow it. Each time I tried to turn away the Lord would say, "Look," and I continued to look into my soul. I wept and pleaded for the Lord to stop the vision. When I had finally seen everything, the vision ended and there was darkness. I tried to find the Lord but He was no longer beside me.

The scene instantly changed and I found myself behind the brush on the outside of a garden clearing. Again a voice came to my mind and instructed me to look. My eyes turned to the garden clearing and there, in the midst, I saw my beloved Redeemer. Suddenly it became clear to me that I was witnessing His act of Atonement. But what transpired I was not prepared to see.

How can one explain with mortal words the agony of a God. Anything I say or write somehow diminishes the impact.
Be that as it may, I saw the love and suffering of the Christ and am a personal witness of it. I don't know how it is possible, but I was in Gethsemane on the day of His Agony and I saw in great and terrible detail with my eyes and heard in awful clarity with my ears that which is too sacred to describe to unprepared ears.
His sobs and His cries pierced my soul and I felt the wrenching of my heart with each audible groan or quivering convulsion of His body. Then came the revelation that broke my heart: "Behold the love of God for you and His suffering for your sins."

It was too much to bear. As I became aware that He was suffering such agony for me because of my sins, because of His love for me for a "soul so rebellious and proud as mine," my heart broke and I thought I would die. Never had I sobbed and wept so violently and with such bitterness of soul. I never knew the body could sob as rnine did. I never knew a heart could break as mine did. I never knew a broken heart would hurt as much as I hurt. I was in agony as never before. I thought my heart would stop and my head and chest would explode. I cried out and begged the Father to stop the suffering of my Friend and Elder Brother. "Stop it! Stop it! Please stop His suffering!" I wept, I sobbed and my body convulsed in anguish as I attempted to reach through the brush to hold Him, to somehow comfort Him. But His suffering did not stop and there was nothing I could do to help Him.

Finally, resolving myself to this hopeless state and wishing only to die for what I had done to Him, I cried out through my choking sobs, "Please forgive me! Please, dear God, forgive me for what I have done to my Savior. I am sorry, so very, very sorry for hurting Him so. It is enough," I continued, "please stop His suffering. I will never again do anything to hurt Him. Never! Never!"

I continued to sob and plead for forgiveness until I was totally exhausted and lay slumped on the floor weeping hot tears of anguish and pain. My strength was exhausted and I was prepared to die when the vision stopped and the voice of the Lord said unto me, "My son, thy sins are forgiven thee."

When I heard these words from my Savior I was filled with fire, which I later came to know was the endowment of charity. Never had I felt such love, such peace. I was overcome again unto great sobbing, but this time with joy.

So intense was the outpouring of God's love through the fire of His Spirit that I felt as though my very life would end and my flesh would be consumed. I came to know by the spirit of revelation that my life was acceptable to the Lord; that I had been completely and unconditionally cleansed of all my sins and the effects of my sins; that I had been made holy, without spot -- clean every whit -- by His precious blood. I had been truly born again to enter into the Kingdom of God; I was redeemed from the fall; sanctified by the endowment of His perfect love, even charity. Through this experience I came to understand the meaning of total conversion; of justification and of sanctification; of full repentance.

I now know with a perfect knowledge that all men must be born again, or sanctified of the spirit, in order to receive their salvation and obtain their exaltation. I know now that only those who are truly born again can enjoy the blessings of the sanctified and can develop to the full stature of Christ. I know now that there is a difference between the righteousness of God and the righteousness of man; between full repentance and partial repentance; between a broken heart and a contrite spirit; between receiving forgiveness from one's sins and a complete and unconditional forgiveness from the effects of the fall or the natural man; between an awakening of conscience which cultivates a sense of duty to God and man and a mighty change of heart which bears the fruit of charity toward God and all men.

I know now that the only way to Christ is through the offering of a broken heart and that the only way to offer such a sacrifice acceptably is to experience, in a personal way, the power and reality of the Atonement in our life; to understand and appreciate sufficiently the personal implications of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our sins and fallen nature. Perhaps this may come in different ways to different people, but the substance and results of the experience will, of necessity, always be the same.

The greatest manifestation of God's love for us is in the Savior's suffering for our personal sins. It is the power of His suffering for us that draws us to Him in a complete sense and changes our heart totally. When our sacrifice of a broken heart has been accepted (i.e., justified) by the Lord, when we have fully repented of all our sins, then is our life acceptable (i.e., justified) unto the Lord. Sanctification, which is the effect or fruit of justification, totally cleanses and purifies the spirit and endows the person with a faith and hope in Christ, and with charity.

At this point, a few words of explanation might be appropriate. First, no one need suppose that they are exempt from the second birth or that their life and sacrifice is acceptable unto God unless it has been declared thus by the spirit of revelation. Such revelation is essential because we cannot, by definition, be conscious of sins and their effects that reside in the subconscious mind. A person can therefore believe that his/her sins and fallen nature have been repented of and yet have no knowledge that such is, in fact, the case unless it has been unmistakably revealed and confirmed by the Lord. All men and women must be born again to enter into the Kingdom of God.

There are those who may "speak with the tongues of men and angels" and "have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and... have all faith" yet, without spiritual rebirth, without the conferral of charity through personal sanctification, they become as "sounding brass, or tinkling cymbal" and are "nothing."

Second, no one who is to be truly born again can avoid the painful anguish of going through the birth canal and, while it is true that the gestation period of sanctification is indeed a process, yet the actual birth is an event in time.

Third, only the Lord defines the price that needs to be paid and the timetable of spiritual rebirth

Fourth, personal sanctification does not just happen. It must be sought for diligently through mighty prayer and obedience.

Fifth, personal sanctification is and can be experienced in mortality and should be sought for in this Life.

Sixth, the only way to offer up a broken heart sufficient for full repentance is to experience a personal encounter with the reality of the Atonement in our lives; to realize by the spirit of revelation the love of Christ for us personally, as manifested in His suffering for our sins. This does not mean that every person must have an identical experience to the one presented here, but an encounter there must be, and what a glorious encounter it is.

Seventh, no one can be truly born again, or sanctified, unless he/she has received the ordinances of baptism and confirmation and has fully repented of all his/her sins and will. Any forgiveness of sins referred to prior to baptism is merely conditional and anticipatory. Complete forgiveness through personal sanctification cannot take place without the ordinances of baptism.